Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship #UnifiedFem

When you’ve found that special someone and things are going well, you feel loved, adored and respected. More importantly, safe and secure.

But, relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. For some women, relationships can leave them feeling anxious, confused. Worse, not good enough.

More from Unified: 6 signs you are in a toxic relationship

If these negative feelings strike a chord with you, then read on to see if you could be in a toxic relationship.

1)  Criticising

A little criticism is healthy in a relationship, as long as it comes from a positive place. However, when your other half is constantly putting you down, that can have a draining effect. It makes you feel absolutely worthless, and let’s face it, aint nobody got time for that.

2) Jealousy

It’s safe to say that at some point most people have experienced jealousy in their relationship. It’s fine as long as those feelings are dealt with in a healthy way.

However, If someone is trying to control you in any way; whether it is stopping you from seeing friends, controlling who you talk to, always checking up on you or even to the extremes of telling you what you can or can’t wear… Then, you know that isn’t right.

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.

3) Double standards

When your other half constantly nags you about something, but it’s cool for him to do it… Like, when it’s ok for him to have female friends, but he doesn’t want you to have any male friends because he’s insecure… Or, when he doesn’t like you going out with your girls but it’s okay for him to have a boys night out.

Errm, hell no. This is 2017. Things should be equal.

4) Checking your phone

There is the consensus that if you’re in a trusting relationship then you should share everything, even phones, as you have nothing to hide.

Well, I’m in the camp of ‘you have a right to your own privacy’, even in a trusting relationship.

You have a right to keep a lock on your phone and no one should make you feel bad about that. This doesn’t mean that you’re hiding anything, you value your human rights. No one should be going through your text messages and stalking your social media. If they are that insecure, then you need to talk it out.

5) Arguing

Most couples argue. But, if you are in a cycle of constant arguing and taking your frustrations out on each other, then something needs to be fixed.

It’s physically and mentally draining. Arguments can get so heated that they get physical. If you’re at this point in your relationship, get help or leave. Violence is never okay and you don’t have to put up with it, no matter how much you love someone.

There are plenty of organisations such as NDVH who offer support. They are non-judgemental, so don’t be afraid or ashamed.

6) Not being supportive

If anyone should believe in our hopes and dreams, it should be our other half. They should be our own personal cheerleaders.

But, if you find yourself not taking opportunities because of your partners jealousy and discouragement, then you’re going to end up living for someone else. Girl, you’re worth more than that! Do not let ANYONE stunt your potential.

Healthy love is all about letting that special someone grow and be there to celebrate with them when they succeed.


7) Keeping a scorecard 

We all make mistakes in relationships. But, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Being in a relationship which is all about point scoring against each other is as toxic as it gets. Don’t get stuck in a cycle of guilt tripping each other and using payback as a way of revenge.

Ladies, life is too short to spend it being unhappy.  Set clear boundaries at the beginning to create healthy relationships in the long run. Also, respect yourself enough to walk away when people don’t respect you.

Lastly, as Rupaul said:

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?”


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